sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
