You work out of a Hotel?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
