i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
