ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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