my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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