whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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