Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
