he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
