I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
