Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
