i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
