i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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