birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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