i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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