I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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