I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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