just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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