I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
