Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
