Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
