What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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