No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
