You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
