Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
