I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
