and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
