I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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