I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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