I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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