Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
