i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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