Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
