omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
