I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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