one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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