Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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