Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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