Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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