It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
