yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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