There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
