i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
