4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
