Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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