it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
