but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
