she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
