i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
