I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
