so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
