Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
