we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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