Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
