Porn is love you can see.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
