Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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