i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
