hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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