so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come on in and take your pants off
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