I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
