It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
