you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
where does the pee come out of this thing
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
