Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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