I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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