Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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