she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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