it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
