im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
