Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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