i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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