Nicole vs. Life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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