its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
