i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
